My Parents Are Fighting, Cheating, or Divorcing — What Do I Do Now?

When your safe place shakes, how do you stay steady?

Why do parents fight or separate?

Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s quiet.But when your parents are constantly fighting, cheating, or headed for divorce, one thing is certain — it rattles your world.

Here are some common reasons couples reach that point:

• Lack of emotional connection

• Long-standing resentment or blame

• Financial stress and responsibilities

• Unmet expectations or communication breakdown

• Infidelity, insecurity, or trust issues

• In-law or cultural clashes

• Midlife crisis or personal dissatisfaction

What they show you is just a glimpse.Their marriage is a mix of past wounds, personality traits, stressors, and sometimes unresolved trauma. It’s not your job to fix it.

First and foremost — know your own boundaries

Your parents may be hurting. But they are also grown-ups. They are capable of handling their choices, however messy. Getting involved in their fights, taking sides, or trying to be the emotional glue will only exhaust you.

You don’t know the full story — and that’s okay. Your job is to protect your peace, not play therapist, judge, or savior.

When your ideals break — It’s okay to feel broken

If your parents were your role models, watching them fail to meet their own values is painful. You may wonder, How can the people who taught me honesty now lie to each other? This emotional conflict can lead to:

• Feeling unsafe or ashamed

• Questioning your own values

• Becoming emotionally detached

But remember — their actions are not your identity.

What will people say? How to face society and friends

In Desi culture, shame is a silent enemy.Neighbors whisper. Peers judge.Sometimes even relatives treat you like you’ve become “less.”

But let’s be clear:

• You don’t owe anyone an explanation

• You are not your family’s PR manager

• You are allowed to say “I don’t want to talk about it”

What people say is not more important than your peace.

What’s my role as their child?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I must help them fix this.”But here’s what’s actually helpful:

• Listen only when you feel safe to do so

• Don’t carry their emotional baggage

• Keep your life moving — school, friends, therapy, dreams

You’re not being selfish. You’re being sane.

Let’s talk about stigma

Broken home. Illegitimate affairs. Failed marriage. These words carry society’s shame, not yours.

But the truth is:

• You can still be kind and whole

• You can love your parents without liking their behavior

• You are not broken. You are becoming. The more we speak, the less stigma survives.

I feel guilty… How can I not try to help?

You may ask yourself:

• “How can I just sit and watch?”

• “It’s my family, my parents — how can I not be involved?”

• “What if they split and I did nothing?”

This guilt is normal. But remember: caring is not the same as carrying. Trying to be the bridge between broken adults is a heavy and unfair job. You didn’t break it. You don’t have to fix it.

I feel responsible for my siblings — I have to protect them

Many older children feel they must:

• Keep the house together

• Manage younger siblings’ emotions

• Be the emotional adult in the room

But you’re not their parent.You are allowed to feel helpless. And still love deeply. You’re doing your best. But you need support too.

I feel numb. I resent them both.

That makes sense. When the people who raised you begin to break each other — you shut down. You might even think: I don’t care anymore. But that’s not the truth. You care too much, and that’s why you’ve gone silent. Resentment is not rebellion — it’s a sign of emotional exhaustion.

What do I do when they force me to take sides?

When parents fight, they sometimes pull children into it:

• “Tell me I’m right.”

• “At least you understand me, right?”

• “Don’t be like your father/mother.”

It’s okay to say:

“I don’t want to take sides. I love you both.”“I need space. This is hard on me too.”“Can we not make this my battle?”

You’re not betraying them. You’re choosing emotional safety. That is mature, not selfish.

What if one parent is wrong — can I help the other?

Yes, maybe one hurt the other more. Maybe the pain is unequal. But still — you are their child, not their therapist. If you’re worried for one parent’s safety or mental health, support them as a child, not as a fixer. Offer comfort. Listen. But don’t let it drown your own well-being.

What can I say to people who judge, gossip, or force values?

Indian society often says things like:

• “You must keep the family together.”

• “Beta, sacrifice is part of life.”

• “Divorce breaks the child’s future.”

You don’t have to accept this. Try saying:

“It’s complicated — and personal.”“We are working through it as a family.”“I’d appreciate support, not opinions.”

You’re not rude. You’re setting boundaries.

How do I manage emotions without shutting down or falling apart?

Here’s how:

• If you're numb — move your body, talk it out, cry if needed

• If you're overwhelmed — pause, breathe, do something grounding

• If you're too involved — take a step back, journal, or speak to someone neutralYour job is to feel — not fix.

What’s the role of therapy in all this?

Therapy is not just for parents. Children, teens, and adult children of broken families also need a space to:

• Unpack guilt, resentment, helplessness

• Speak without fear of hurting anyone

• Build emotional boundaries

• Feel seen, not judged

At SEVEE, we understand how hard it is to live in a house that doesn’t feel like home anymore. You don’t have to walk alone.This is your space to pause, breathe, and be heard.

Gentle scripts to say — to self and others

To Yourself:

• “I am not the cause of their conflict.”

• “I’m allowed to love them and protect myself at the same time.”

• “I am not wrong for needing peace.”

To Well-Wishers/Relatives:

• “I know you care, but this is not open for discussion.”

• “Please don’t involve me in adult matters.”

• “Support means presence, not pressure.”

Closing note,

When your parents are fighting, cheating, or separating — it feels like the ground beneath you is cracking. But your heart doesn’t have to. You can still grow, heal, and thrive — even if they don’t. It's Not Your Fault...

And if your voice feels small right now, therapy at SEVEE is your place to grow it back.