Hoovering: When They Come Back, But Not For Love
- Aug 11
- 2 min read
A RAWON Playbook blog by Parita Sharma | SEVEE
Dear you,
I know that message on your phone made your heart race.The one that said,
“I miss you.”Or, “I’ve been thinking about us.”Maybe even, “I’ve changed. Can we talk?”
Part of you wants to believe it. Part of you remembers the good moments. Part of you feels guilty for even ignoring it.
But here’s the truth — that isn’t always love. Sometimes, it’s hoovering.
What Is Hoovering?
Hoovering is a manipulation tactic where a narcissist or toxic partner tries to pull you back in after you’ve pulled away, set boundaries, or ended the relationship.The name comes from the Hoover vacuum — because they’re trying to “suck” you back into the cycle.
They may say all the right things:
“No one will ever love you like I do.”
“You’re the only person who understands me.”
“I’ve realized my mistakes. This time will be different.”
It sounds sweet. It sounds hopeful. But the intention isn’t healing — it’s regaining control.
Why Does Hoovering Happen?
Because you’re slipping away. And with that, they’re losing something they crave — narcissistic supply. That supply can be your attention, your energy, your care, or even your anger.
Hoovering isn’t about missing you the person. It’s about missing the role you played in their life — the role that kept them fed, validated, or in power.
How Hoovering Shows Up
Sudden messages after months of silence
Overly emotional apologies paired with promises
Unannounced visits “just to see you”
Fake emergencies to pull you into their drama
Love bombing again to reset the cycle
Playing the victim so you’ll rescue them
The delivery might change — the hook might feel softer — but the goal is always the same: pull you back in.
Why It’s So Hard to Resist
Because part of you wants it to be real this time. You’ve invested your heart, your time, your dreams. You’ve imagined a better version of them.
And when they suddenly sound like that version, it’s easy to forget the pain they caused. That’s what makes hoovering so effective — it plays on your hope.
SEVEE’s Gentle Truth
You are allowed to remember why you left. You are allowed to protect the peace you’ve built. You are allowed to close the door — even if they’re knocking with roses in hand.
If their words were enough, the cycle would have already ended. If they were truly changed, they’d be showing it consistently — without needing to pull you back in first.
You deserve love that stays, not love that reappears only when it feels you slipping away.
We’ll help you see the pattern, trust your boundaries, and keep the door closed without guilt or whats app +919712777330 for onset appointment in Ahmedabad, Gujarat, India
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